UNC's Hansbrough Vows to Dunk Over Bigger and Better Things

Jan 9, 2008

On January 9th in a Game versus UNC-Asheville, UNC's own Tyler Hansbrough laid down a thunderous dunk over the NCAA's tallest player 7 foot 7, Kenny George. "Psycho T" as Hansbrough is known in Tarheel country was quoted as saying"Everybody on the team is like,"Who's going to try to dunk (on George)? It definitely in the back of my mind."

After the game Blue Monkey Disco Party interviewed "Psycho T" to see who he was going to dunk on next. Hansbrough is figuring there isn't anyone taller, so he brought up a few more of the even bigger things around the United States he wanted to conquer with some monster throw-downs.

Washington Monument Let's be honest, the Washington Monument has been asking for this for quite some time. It's just standing there all alone in the middle of D.C. just waiting for a hurtin'. It'S the tallest, whitest structure in Washington since Gheorghe Muresan played for the Bullets and by the looks of it, it probably has better lateral movement. After a slam by Hansbrough, the Monument will be glad it has that pond next to it because it will have a lot to reflect about. Like how embarrassed it is to be the nation's capital of getting thrown down on...

Mike Krzyzewski's house - Psycho is gonna make it rain leather all over Coach K's neighborhood. He'll probably just start by ripping down the rim on the goal in the driveway, then get a bigger, more Carolina Blue goal to put on the roof and just go friggin' insane. "Is Santa on the roof ?" "No, that's just Hansbrough brining the noise again honey..." And of course if he has time, he'll probably stop over and dunk on the Michael W. Krzyzewski Center for Athletic Excellence and possibly slam on K-Ville (at Duke, not the Fox television show starring Anthony Anderson). Even Cameron Indoor Stadium may not be safe...

Statue of Liberty - What's 151 feet tall and just got posterized? Lady Liberty, that's what!"Give me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free" so I can jam on their heads. "Wham-bam-thankyou-mam" is what they will all be chanting as Psycho is coming to NYC and he is going to bring the pain. Take it to the house T and remind us once and for all why we will never watch a WNBA game. Eddy Curry was too easy of a choice in this spot, as anyone with a pulse can dunk on a fat-ass who couldn't find as treadmill if they built his favorite McDonalds out of them.. Hell they may even ask Hansbrough to coach the Knicks because by our calculations somebody has to...

Space Needle in Seattle - Nobody has even attempted to do this since The Reign Man Shawn Kemp tried it back when he was with the Sonics in 94'. Of course at the time he weighed 80 lbs less and was being held down by only 3 illegitimate children, as opposed to the 8 or 9 that would hold him down if he tried it today. Tyler wants to take his white chocolate thunder into space and dunk on the 25 lighting rods on top of the structure, while also becoming the first human being that we are aware of to slam-dunk on a fully functioning monorail. Extra points for the monorail because The Party is not a huge fan of space, needles, Kevin Durant or rainy ass Seattle now that we think about it.

Truckasaurs - SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! This is going to be a tough one, I don't think anyone has ever played Truckasarus one-on-one before. We are a bit miffed as Truckasarus is our Greatest American Hero #9, so we here at The Party have mixed feelings about Hansbrough taking it to the hole on our fire breathing friend. Although this would be the first facialization of a Truckasaur in recorded history and we are all about making dinosaurs ashamed for going extinct before we could have Tijuana Raptor Races. It would be quite a spectacle for all involved and then afterward there would be MOTOCROSS!!!

Mount Rushmore - It's not often that you get to lay the funk down on some of the country's most endeared figures, let alone throwing down on 4 former presidents at the same time. I'm not sure how tall these men were individually, but together one can only assume that standing on each others shoulders they would figure to be somewhere over 20 feet tall while spouting out trash talk like "We The People are going to imprint Spaulding on your forehead T" and "We are gonna rough ride you right back to Chapel Hill T." We are psyched to hear this, as we think Lincoln has needed a good dunking on for quite some time.

The Alamo - San Antonio will be the last stop for the "Hansbrough Dunks America Tour," as it will more than likely be the last stop for he and his Tarheels on their way to a NCAA Title. The landmark hasn't seen this sort of offensive force since General Santa Anna attacked the place back in the 1830's. However, after the dunk there will be no question to whom the building then belongs, because once you have been Hansborughized, you stay that way forever. People will no longer remember Davey Crocket and John Wayne, they will simple say "Remember the Alamo getting slammed on by that Psycho white center? That shit was awesome!"

No word yet on a European Tour...