Jan 7, 2008
Bobby Knight had choice words for the media after Texas Tech’s victory that pulled him to just one win shy of 900 career wins. People criticized Bobby for bringing his 18 month old grandson to the post-game press conference and then swearing in front of him on national television. Today Bob’s grandson Braden “The Littlest General” called his own press conference at his preschool to answer questions about the incident.
CNN: You were unusually quiet during the post game press conference. Was there a reason for this?
Braden: Well for one grandpa kept throwing me up in the air and he knows I have air sickness. I didn’t have my juice for the conference, I usually have to have one or two drinks to help me loosen up and deal with the media. I tense up every time I see a press pass. I guess it just runs in the family. Plus they woke me up from my nap, I get cranky at press conferences and just about everything else.
USA Today: Why do you think your grandfather took you to the post-game interview?
Braden: Grand pappy Sociopath, I mean Grandpa Knight is just trying to raise me to be a good coach and to not respect the media. You heard the man, he’s won close to 900 games, but nobody is counting except for you morons. The media cares about statistics, me and grandpa only care about winning and nap time, which we coincidentally we have at the same time. We can never get enough of both!
Lubbock Journal: What characteristics do you and your Grandpa have in common?
Braden: Well we both cry a lot and we both like to throw things, scream and break down in tantrums. I once threw a basketball into my fisher price basketball hoop. A little later grandpa Knight threw that same basketball hoop through a plate glass window out the second story of our house and out into the driveway, just like he did with daddy’s tv. Now I can’t play basketball OR watch Dora the Explorer. But, grandpa says I don’t need a hoop or a monkey with passport to be a good basketball coach. He says if you are good, the European players will come to you.
Dallas Morning News: What types of activities do you and your grandfather do together?
Braden: Obviously as you saw from the press conference, we like to exercise together. We all know granddad likes to throw things. Sometimes we practice evading questions that criticize us, but we still like to judge people harshly. We sometimes read the fairytales in Sports Illustrated or watch that traitor Larry Bird on ESPN Classic. Sometimes we just sit and read the blue chip guides, but mostly we go hunting. Next question, you in the red.
ESPNNEWS: What types of things do you hunt?
People mostly. Grandpa calls them those obnoxious bleeping bleep holes that live next door. Sometimes we go down to the news stations and just sit outside and shoot b.b. guns at anyone who comes out with a microphone. Grandpa says that it’s ok to shoot people who are sports reporters because they are wretched human beings and are only one or two steps above prostitutes, but I don’t even know what that means. We had to stop when grandpa thought he shot a sports reporter, but it just ended up being a guy with a tracheotomy.
ESPN: Has your grandpa ever yelled at you for anything?
Braden: Well one time he did, when I asked him if he was going to win his game that night. He got all red and wrinkly in the face, then freaked out and starting screaming “NOT YOU TOO, WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE EVER GET OFF MY BACK!!!” The he threw a chair through my Curious George poster, but I guess it’s good cause now I don’t have to try and unlock the door to my room at night to go to the bathroom, I can just crawl through the hole. He’s kinda high strung. At least he didn’t choke me.
ESPN: Speaking of which have you ever seen him choke anyone?
Braden: Yeah, a few times. One time he choked a guy in a chicken suit outside of a KFC for not showing proper respect for “The Colonel” or “The General,” then there was a guy in traffic that cut him off in front of Golden Corral, there was the clown at my birthday party who “was a dumb SOB that wasn’t making him laugh enough.” It made me cry, but after the ambulance left we all played hit the piñata, which was shaped like Myles Brand’s head. Oh and one time he took me golfing and he hit a caddy with a nine iron for being insubordinate. As soon as I find out what that means, I will not ever be doing that. New question.
New York Times: We know he really enjoys whips, any idea why?
Braden: Yeah, I think he likes that Indiana Jones guy from the movies because he coached Indiana for so long. That and he’s really passionate about archeology. He says he carries it in case his players don’t listen or the Nazi’s suddenly come back while he’s playing Purdue. According to him, there are Nazis everywhere in the United States, the media is just too busy peeing on his parade to realize who the real criminals are. Granddaddy only really uses it when we go on trips to searching for recruits.
Braden: I only have time for one more question. Spongebob comes on soon. You in the back.
Fox Sports: After all this hype about your grandfather using the term, do you even know what “bull$***” means?
Braden: No but I've already heard it so much that it’s lost all meaning.
Sporting News: One more question, Braden!
Braden: This interview is over!
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