Brett Favre retirement letter secrets (originally published after 1st retirement)

Brett Favre has really, for serious this time retired; ending over a year of speculation on how many off-seasons he would partake in saying he'd like one more shot at winning a Super Bowl. Many believe the second retirement will stick, but others question why he'd go one and done with the Jets.

Some say that he didn’t want to further tarnish his reputation after his last retirement caused weeks of terrible media coverage between himself and Packer management. He has an adoring fan base in Wisconsin and wherever John Madden’s tour bus is parked this week, so when news that Favre had already decided to retire this early into the off-season, it left some surprised, while others saw it as a sign that the QB was finally going to hang the spikes up for good.

However, we at the BMDP know the real reason Brett will finally be riding into the NFL sunset. Favre felt so bad about casting such a harsh shadow on the NFL over the past year, that he decided to go ahead and write a letter in order to get some secrets he’s been keeping under wraps all these years, off his chest. Unfortunately for him, airing his dirty laundry has raised some eyebrows down at the Commissioner’s Office and they aren’t quite sure Brett was the man, myth and legend they originally thought he was...

Here is a list of things the quarterback divulged in his retirement letter. ..

I know I can still play this game. I threw 62 touchdowns my first season of Madden 09’. However the game had a glitch and kept referring to me as Tom Brady.

I once snuck a pair of my Wrangler Jeans into the Hall at Canton just to see how’d they’ look in one of the cases. I have to say I am embarrassed that they didn’t look half as good a Joe Namath’s pantyhose.

I’m the last true NFL competitor. To be honest I threw all those interceptions just to keep it close…

Once fought a Ford 450-Super Duty just to see who was “tougher.” Answer: Me.
The secret to my consecutive games streak…day spas.

I don't think I'm saying anything that everybody didn't already know, but Mike Homgren is really just a well disguised walrus.

Once in 1992 I killed a Blackula by throwing a wooden stake 70 yards on a rope and straight through his heart. I’m not proud of it, but it happened. I thought you should know.

The reason I never missed a game was because I needed the money for my pain pill addiction.

John Madden and I were married in 2002 in San Francisco. It was a small ceremony that took place in an Ace Hardware store. BOOM! Our honeymoon was a bus ride to Graceland. It was magical.

I once removed my spleen with just an ax and a staple gun. I threw 3 touchdowns that game.

Barry Sanders…robot.
I’m lactose intolerant. I don’t even like cheese.

My frst year in Green Bay I thought that "Lambeau" was just the french word for "cold as hell."

For Halloween, one year I went dressed as Kerry Collins. And I’ve thrown twice as many interceptions ever since.

In order t get ready for the regular season, I used to go out to bars with Reggie White and make him break bar stools over my head.

The reason I throw the ball so hard is in the off-season I practice by throwing cinderblocks at parked cars and Bears fans.
I once kicked a brick through a Chevy Impala .

I have an Arizona Cardinals football phone.

There’s Something about Mary…yeah, it’s the fact that she’s really a dude. It should really be called “There’s something about Marty.”

I survived Katrina because I built an Arch just by willing giant pieces of wood together. I then took two of everything, except for Bears, Lions and Vikings.

Those tears I cried when I retired last year…I was really just thinking about the season finale of Gilmore Girls.

When I really do retire, Steve McNair and I are going to do a remake of the Odd Couple. It’s going to be called “Nails and The Glass Man.”

When Strahan sacked me for the record and I went down without a fight…I just wanted a hug.