MLB Mid-Season Movie Awards

The Pedro Cerrano Award for "Straight Ball I Hit It Very Much. Curveball, Bats Are Afraid" Award
Seattle Mariners - Richie Sexson - .210 - 9 HR 23 RBI
Sexson, who claimed that injuries led to last years struggles at the plate is once again off to a power surge start belting 9 hr in his first 60 games while batting a not-so astonishing .210. If Sexson is somehow able to keep his job and keep hitting about one out of every four fastballs he sees, they are going to have to rename the Mendoza line the Sexson line. Of course coining that phrase will cost Seattle about $12.5 million a year.
*If you play fantasy baseball, you should only draft this guy if your league has a category for distance.

The Crash Davis Award for Season Going Under The MLB Radar
Texas Rangers - Ian Kinsler - .312 - 13 HR - 50 RBI - 20 SB
As was in Bull Durham, so is the Texas Rangers season. The Rangers acquired the enigmatic Josh Hamilton this past off-season and when he got to Arlington (the most hitter friendly park in the MLB) he got down to the business of hitting. And so far, he's hitting damn near everything and getting the press that goes along with it. However, the Ranger's second baseman has been equally involved in keeping the Rangers afloat a tight AL West race. In his sophomore season, Kinsler has been the prototypical lead- off man by setting the table for the powerhouse behind him and is the leading reason that Hamilton and RF Milton Bradley are having career years in runs batted in. Yet, you probably won't see any cover stories about this guy, but so far, he's been one of the most productive players of the 2008 season.

The Rookie of the Year Rookie Of The Year Award
AL - Tampa Bay Rays - Evan Longoria - .267 - 15 HR - 47 HR- 4 SB
Longoria has been all that he was advertised as. After sitting out the first few weeks of this season because of contract issues, Evan Longoria has become to baseball fans what Eva Longoria is to housewives. The 22 year old is putting up some solid numbers on a team that has been lacking their premiere power hitters all season long. It's safe to say he's part of the reason the Rays are playing well and it's safe to say if he keeps hitting the way he is now, he'll be a fixture in Tampa for years to come.

NL -Cincinnatti Reds - Edinson Volquez - 2.08 ERA - 10 W - 110 K's
He has been lights out for Cincy this season. The 24 year old currently ranks 2nd in the NL in wins and K's, while leading the NL in ERA. An unreal start for any pitcher, let alone a rookie who during spring training some though might even take a back seat to fellow rookie teammate Jonhhy Cuento for 2008's ROY Award. As it stands, Volquez has a very real chance of being this first rookie in a long time to complete the triple crown for pitchers, which is somewhat astounding when you realize that he plays for a Reds team that has loads of young talent. With Voquez, Cuento and CF phenom Jay Bruce being the cornerstones of the future in Cincy, the Cubs better batten down the hatches and find a way to win a World Series before it's too late.


The Roger Dorn "This isn't my bat" Award for The Player Who Has Been 0 For The Season and has to take one for the team
Arizona Diamondbacks - Eric Byrnes - .209 - 6 HR - 23 RBI - 4 SB
The word "fluke" comes to mind when looking back on Byrnes 07' campaign, where he batted close to .290, drove in over 80 runs and stole a career-high 50 bases. The guy is a career .260 hitter, had never stolen more than 25 bags in a season and oh yeah, he was almost 32 by the end of last season. Luckily for Byrnes, the entire Diamondbacks outfield is suffering the same anemic disorder this season, as the Arizona outfield is hitting a combined .225 average on the year, leaving many to wonder if maybe there's something in the grass that is sucking the life out of the bats of the players who roam the outfield. I can understand that most of the outfield is young and inexpirienced, but this is not so for the 32 year old Byrnes. He has no excuse for hitting .200 this far in the season. So Eric, if you are reading this, and you are in the hole 0-2 and a fastball gets away from the pitcher high and inside, it's time to do like Roger Dorn in Major League and take one for the team. And try and steal second while your at it...

The Sandlot Scotty "You're Killing Me Smalls" Award for Underachievement
Philadelphia Phillies - Ryan Howard - .215 - 20 HR - 61 RBI
He may have 68 RBI and he may have 20 HR, but Howard is currently hitting a paltry .215 for the year and is on pace to K a MLB record 230 times. That ladeis and gentleman is about 30 more times than the record of 199 set last year…by Ryan Howard. Most of his RBI are merely due to the fact that Chase Utley got off to an insanely hot start and Howard was fortunate enough to hit right behind him in the order. For any other team in the majors, Howard would be currently sitting at about 30 something RBI and a vote for him would be a wasted ballot for this years All-Star Game. The interesting thing about his situation is that the Phillies have been hesitant to give the power hitting 1st baseman any type of big money deal, even after he won the 2006 NL MVP. My money says that they were pretty certain that Howard was capable of such a monumental collapse in batting average, so they had a wait and see attitude when it came to signing Howard to a long term deal. All that Phillie fans and fantasy owners that root for Ryan Howard can currently say is "Aww, you're killing me Smalls..."

The Bad News Bear Tanner Boyle Award for Best Temper Tantrum Of The Year
Houston Astros - Shawn Chacon - For going Latrell Sprewell on his coach
If you're a baseball fan, you by now know the story of pitcher Shawn Chacon grabbing his manger by the neck and throwing him to the ground earlier this week, that coincidentally lead to the Astros decision to release the pitcher yesterday. And by the looks of his 5.04 ERA and 1.51 WHIP, it's safe to say it's probably the best release that Chacon has seen all season long. Of course the players' association has decided to file a grievance over the release because let's face it people, these days, when a player commits assault and battery on one of his coaches in a room full of teammates and other coaches, it's best to hold a formal investigation into the matter. I mean, it's only a misdemeanor people. Somebody has to look out for the immature millionaires in these situations. At least he didn't throw his glove at the guy rounding second after a home run.

Roy Hobbs "The Natural" Award
Texas Rangers - Josh Hamilton - .312 - 19 - 80 RBI
Unless you don't follow baseball or have been living under a rock this year, you should know the saga of former drug addict Josh Hamilton. He was the first pick of the 99' draft, got a $4 million dollar signing bonus and then proceeded to spend most of his money on drugs and was suspended from baseball after repeatedly violating the league's subatance abuse policy. From 02' to 06' Hamilton was out of baseball all together and spent a god portion of that time in and out of rehab facilities. Three teams and almost 8 years later, Hamilton is looking like the MVP calibur player that the Devil Rays (they were called that at that time) had drafted with the 1st pick of the draft. An amazing story, that while doesn't exactly share the same exact story that the movie did, it does in fact have some of the same story archs and both stories do parrallel the same come back from tragic, almost near death circumstances to play the game they were destined to excell at. Let's at least hope that both stories share the same happy ending.
*However, Josh Hamilton's story was one that he brought on himself and therefore I see it a less of a man befallen by tragic circumstances and more of a lesson of what not to do with a shit ton of money.

The Willie Mays Hayes "You May Run Like Hayes, But You Hit Like Shit" Award
Houston Astros - Michael Bourn - .230 - 4HR - 31 SB
Michael Bourn started the season by stealing 13 bases in his first 86 at bats. At that point in the season he was on pace to hit .200 and still steal 90 bases or so. Now the Astro lead-off man is hitting .230 through the first half and has only 31 SB on the year. If he bought a pair of batting gloves for every base he steals, I figure he'll get to use them about once every four games. He'll get to admire them nailed to his apartment wall right before he grabs his gear and heads out to his next game in the minors. Dude, you're a lead-off man, get the OBP above .300 or start stealing them two at a time.

If You Build It...Moonlight Graham Back From The Dead Award
Tampa Bay Rays - Edwin Jackson - 4.33 ERA - 4 W - 60K
I know this seems like a stretch, but one has to remember that Jackson came in with the Los Angeles Dodgers back in 2003 and put up a 2.45 ERA in 4 games. Thia may not sound that great, but at the time he was a mere 19 years old and was regarded by many to be one of the league's premiere pitching prospects. He had jetted through the minors with ease, but it seemed that in the 2004 season, it may have been too much too quick for the once heralded hurler. He posted an ERA of over 7, 6, then 5 and 5 over the next four seasons. It seemed like he might not get it together, but this year Jackson has once again flashed some signs of brilliance on one of the youngest and brightest pitching staffs in the MLB. He currently is the 4th pitcher for the best team in baseball (really?) Tampa Bay Rays. He's showed signs of his old self in arguably the best hitting division in baseball. Pretty good considering he's still just 24 years old. But, only time will tell if he can once again flourish in the spotlight or possibly flounder back into pitching obscurity.

The Engelburg Award for Player "Most Likely To Be Eating During A Game" Award
Cleveland Indians - C.C. Sabathia - 3.78 ERA - 118 K's - 290 lbs (according to his Yahoo! profile)
Look, I know it's hard to argue about a guy with an ERA under 4 and is currently on pace to strike out 250 guys this year, but early on in the season, C.C.'s ERA and waste line ballooned up to Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade proportions. I'm not claiming that his weight was having a direct correlation to his performance, but honestly the guy looked like he weighed at least 320. Even David Wells would have called him up and told him to hit the gym. I understand that some pitchers don't like to run or work out, but this is getting ridiculous. This guy is paid HUGE money to pitch and stay fit and he looks like the only grand slam that he's worried about is on the menu at Denny's. You don't have to be an "athlete" per say, with fleet feet and the swiftest of reflexes, but for God's sake, could you at least get your weight down to under 300 lbs in time for Spring Training. You aren't a linebacker sir, the only hit's you will be taking part in will start during inter-league play, OK?

Mr. Baseball Award for the MLB Player Most Likely To End His Career In Japan
Frank Thomas .258 7 HR 27 RBI
This could be the ultimate coincidence after the main character in this 92' movie (Tom Selleck) was replaced by a hot hitting rookie who was played by none other than Frank Thomas himself. I'm guessing "The Big Hurt," who's skills have been rapidly deteriorating the past few seasons, will end up finishing out his career somewhere in Japan. This would be a case of absolute sheer sports/film irony. That's what he gets for messing with the most magnificent mustache in cinema history.

The Eight Men Out Award for Most Prominent Player Looking For A New Job
FA - Barry Bonds - All-time HR leader and man only 65 hits away from 3,000
You thought Barry wanted to come back to help win a championship didn't you? I think it's because he is only a half season of hits away from the illustrious 3,000 hit club, in which he would become the 28th member if he should be able to come back and churn out another 65 hits. That of course would be big baseball news. Not the 3,000 hits, the news would be the public relations nightmare that would come along with a team signing Bonds at this point in the season when they know that (A) His records are probably tainted (B) His reputation is definitely tainted (C) He's facing perjury charges for lying to a grand-jury and obstructing the federal government's investigation into BALCO (D) He's never been a company man and that's not going to change any time soon. Bond's is known as a distraction in the clubhouse, but at this point he's turned into a clubhouse circus. Any team that has interest in the services of Barry at this point need to really look hard at what their options are before signing this once hallowed slugger. Shoeless Joe will have plenty of company when the Steroid Era finally comes to an end.