The lavish gifts of professional athletes

Douche LaRue 28.MAY.08

Earlier this week, it was reported that Miami Heat guard, Dwyane Wade, gave his mother a quite unusual gift. The NBA star gave his mother her very own church (apparently not in time to pray for the Heat to snag the #1 overall draft pick.) We've heard of pro athletes showering their family with expensive jewelry and fancy foreign cars, but this is the first story that we have heard, where an NBA star has given his mother her very own house of worship.

Due to our inquisitive nature and our love affair with shady accounting, we made some calls and found the bank receipts of other sports stars and found out the gifts that they have given to family and friends during the past few years.

A few surprises (some, not so much):

Last Mother's Day, Shawn Kemp had to buy 27 dozen roses.

Ricky Williams got his coach Bill Parcells a new device to help in relaxing, by introducing him to the new Dolphins promotional giveaway in a "Rickey Williams Bongel Head." Parcells is said to have traded the gift for a late round draft pick and "good deal" on a Colonial Penn insurance.

David Beckham once bought his cat a Bentley just because he could.

Last year for Mother's Day, Marty McSorley gave his mother a bloody nose.

Barry Bonds once bought Barry Bonds some HGH for Barry Bond's birthday.


For Mother's Day, Manny Ramirez, gave his mother a $100 gift certificate for the Pottery Barn, but unfortunately it was for the store on Planet Manny.

Evel Knievel once bought his son Robbie a motorcycle for his 3rd birthday. But no helmet, because helmets are for pussies.

For his birthday in 2006, Phil Michelson gave Tiger Woods an anchor for his new yacht. Unfortunately that anchor was made from C-4.

Don Cherry's suit once gave his children a gift at a Christmas Eve church service. The gift was epilepsy.

Jason Giambi buys just one thing. Panties. Every year, every occasion, it's a panty bonanza from Oakland to New York.

This year the Memphis Grizzlies gave the Los Angeles Lakers Pau Gasol, for what now seems to be no rational reason.

Peyton Manning gave receiver Marvin Harrison a silencer for the opening of this year's training camp.

Billy Beane once gave the San Francisco Giants a $120 million dollar pitching machine. They call it…Barry Zito.

Kansas City was once given a baseball team and they have so far, done nothing with it.

The Cincinnati Bengal's gave the city of Cincinnati a slew of RoboCops to patrol the streets in the off-season. So far crime is still up 55% among Bengal players.

Apparently, before the 2007 NFL draft, AL Davis gave Jamarcus Russell a signed football and Russell promptly threw it into the sun. The rest is Raider history.

George Steinbrenner once bought Derek Jeter a unicorn.

Isiah Thomas once got flowers for Anucha Browne Sanders. Unfortunately the card said, "I want to be on you."

The NBA once gave the WNBA flowers and some free publicity way back in the day, but no one reported it. Witnesses claim the flowers to have been "very fundamentally sound."

Dale Earnhardt Jr. once gave his fans books, which they used to burn for warmth and sell for more beer.

OJ Mayo already bought his mom a house…sometime last year.

In 2003, the MLB got a gift of a patsy from BALCO and his name was Barry Bonds.

Kimbo Slice once gave someone a Country Music Award…wait no, that can be right? Really? WTF!?!?