Jan 9, 2008
On January 9th in a Game versus UNC-Asheville, UNC's own Tyler Hansbrough laid down a thunderous dunk over the NCAA's tallest player 7 foot 7, Kenny George. "Psycho T" as Hansbrough is known in Tarheel country was quoted as saying"Everybody on the team is like,"Who's going to try to dunk (on George)? It definitely in the back of my mind."
After the game Blue Monkey Disco Party interviewed "Psycho T" to see who he was going to dunk on next. Hansbrough is figuring there isn't anyone taller, so he brought up a few more of the even bigger things around the United States he wanted to conquer with some monster throw-downs.
Washington Monument Let's be honest, the Washington Monument has been asking for this for quite some time. It's just standing there all alone in the middle of D.C. just waiting for a hurtin'. It'S the tallest, whitest structure in Washington since Gheorghe Muresan played for the Bullets and by the looks of it, it probably has better lateral movement. After a slam by Hansbrough, the Monument will be glad it has that pond next to it because it will have a lot to reflect about. Like how embarrassed it is to be the nation's capital of getting thrown down on...
Mike Krzyzewski's house - Psycho is gonna make it rain leather all over Coach K's neighborhood. He'll probably just start by ripping down the rim on the goal in the driveway, then get a bigger, more Carolina Blue goal to put on the roof and just go friggin' insane. "Is Santa on the roof ?" "No, that's just Hansbrough brining the noise again honey..." And of course if he has time, he'll probably stop over and dunk on the Michael W. Krzyzewski Center for Athletic Excellence and possibly slam on K-Ville (at Duke, not the Fox television show starring Anthony Anderson). Even Cameron Indoor Stadium may not be safe...
Statue of Liberty - What's 151 feet tall and just got posterized? Lady Liberty, that's what!"Give me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free" so I can jam on their heads. "Wham-bam-thankyou-mam" is what they will all be chanting as Psycho is coming to NYC and he is going to bring the pain. Take it to the house T and remind us once and for all why we will never watch a WNBA game. Eddy Curry was too easy of a choice in this spot, as anyone with a pulse can dunk on a fat-ass who couldn't find as treadmill if they built his favorite McDonalds out of them.. Hell they may even ask Hansbrough to coach the Knicks because by our calculations somebody has to...
Space Needle in Seattle - Nobody has even attempted to do this since The Reign Man Shawn Kemp tried it back when he was with the Sonics in 94'. Of course at the time he weighed 80 lbs less and was being held down by only 3 illegitimate children, as opposed to the 8 or 9 that would hold him down if he tried it today. Tyler wants to take his white chocolate thunder into space and dunk on the 25 lighting rods on top of the structure, while also becoming the first human being that we are aware of to slam-dunk on a fully functioning monorail. Extra points for the monorail because The Party is not a huge fan of space, needles, Kevin Durant or rainy ass Seattle now that we think about it.
Truckasaurs - SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! This is going to be a tough one, I don't think anyone has ever played Truckasarus one-on-one before. We are a bit miffed as Truckasarus is our Greatest American Hero #9, so we here at The Party have mixed feelings about Hansbrough taking it to the hole on our fire breathing friend. Although this would be the first facialization of a Truckasaur in recorded history and we are all about making dinosaurs ashamed for going extinct before we could have Tijuana Raptor Races. It would be quite a spectacle for all involved and then afterward there would be MOTOCROSS!!!
Mount Rushmore - It's not often that you get to lay the funk down on some of the country's most endeared figures, let alone throwing down on 4 former presidents at the same time. I'm not sure how tall these men were individually, but together one can only assume that standing on each others shoulders they would figure to be somewhere over 20 feet tall while spouting out trash talk like "We The People are going to imprint Spaulding on your forehead T" and "We are gonna rough ride you right back to Chapel Hill T." We are psyched to hear this, as we think Lincoln has needed a good dunking on for quite some time.
The Alamo - San Antonio will be the last stop for the "Hansbrough Dunks America Tour," as it will more than likely be the last stop for he and his Tarheels on their way to a NCAA Title. The landmark hasn't seen this sort of offensive force since General Santa Anna attacked the place back in the 1830's. However, after the dunk there will be no question to whom the building then belongs, because once you have been Hansborughized, you stay that way forever. People will no longer remember Davey Crocket and John Wayne, they will simple say "Remember the Alamo getting slammed on by that Psycho white center? That shit was awesome!"
No word yet on a European Tour...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Bob Knight's Grandson calls Press Conference to discuss previous Press Conference
Jan 7, 2008
Bobby Knight had choice words for the media after Texas Tech’s victory that pulled him to just one win shy of 900 career wins. People criticized Bobby for bringing his 18 month old grandson to the post-game press conference and then swearing in front of him on national television. Today Bob’s grandson Braden “The Littlest General” called his own press conference at his preschool to answer questions about the incident.
CNN: You were unusually quiet during the post game press conference. Was there a reason for this?
Braden: Well for one grandpa kept throwing me up in the air and he knows I have air sickness. I didn’t have my juice for the conference, I usually have to have one or two drinks to help me loosen up and deal with the media. I tense up every time I see a press pass. I guess it just runs in the family. Plus they woke me up from my nap, I get cranky at press conferences and just about everything else.
USA Today: Why do you think your grandfather took you to the post-game interview?
Braden: Grand pappy Sociopath, I mean Grandpa Knight is just trying to raise me to be a good coach and to not respect the media. You heard the man, he’s won close to 900 games, but nobody is counting except for you morons. The media cares about statistics, me and grandpa only care about winning and nap time, which we coincidentally we have at the same time. We can never get enough of both!
Lubbock Journal: What characteristics do you and your Grandpa have in common?
Braden: Well we both cry a lot and we both like to throw things, scream and break down in tantrums. I once threw a basketball into my fisher price basketball hoop. A little later grandpa Knight threw that same basketball hoop through a plate glass window out the second story of our house and out into the driveway, just like he did with daddy’s tv. Now I can’t play basketball OR watch Dora the Explorer. But, grandpa says I don’t need a hoop or a monkey with passport to be a good basketball coach. He says if you are good, the European players will come to you.
Dallas Morning News: What types of activities do you and your grandfather do together?
Braden: Obviously as you saw from the press conference, we like to exercise together. We all know granddad likes to throw things. Sometimes we practice evading questions that criticize us, but we still like to judge people harshly. We sometimes read the fairytales in Sports Illustrated or watch that traitor Larry Bird on ESPN Classic. Sometimes we just sit and read the blue chip guides, but mostly we go hunting. Next question, you in the red.
ESPNNEWS: What types of things do you hunt?
People mostly. Grandpa calls them those obnoxious bleeping bleep holes that live next door. Sometimes we go down to the news stations and just sit outside and shoot b.b. guns at anyone who comes out with a microphone. Grandpa says that it’s ok to shoot people who are sports reporters because they are wretched human beings and are only one or two steps above prostitutes, but I don’t even know what that means. We had to stop when grandpa thought he shot a sports reporter, but it just ended up being a guy with a tracheotomy.
ESPN: Has your grandpa ever yelled at you for anything?
Braden: Well one time he did, when I asked him if he was going to win his game that night. He got all red and wrinkly in the face, then freaked out and starting screaming “NOT YOU TOO, WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE EVER GET OFF MY BACK!!!” The he threw a chair through my Curious George poster, but I guess it’s good cause now I don’t have to try and unlock the door to my room at night to go to the bathroom, I can just crawl through the hole. He’s kinda high strung. At least he didn’t choke me.
ESPN: Speaking of which have you ever seen him choke anyone?
Braden: Yeah, a few times. One time he choked a guy in a chicken suit outside of a KFC for not showing proper respect for “The Colonel” or “The General,” then there was a guy in traffic that cut him off in front of Golden Corral, there was the clown at my birthday party who “was a dumb SOB that wasn’t making him laugh enough.” It made me cry, but after the ambulance left we all played hit the piñata, which was shaped like Myles Brand’s head. Oh and one time he took me golfing and he hit a caddy with a nine iron for being insubordinate. As soon as I find out what that means, I will not ever be doing that. New question.
New York Times: We know he really enjoys whips, any idea why?
Braden: Yeah, I think he likes that Indiana Jones guy from the movies because he coached Indiana for so long. That and he’s really passionate about archeology. He says he carries it in case his players don’t listen or the Nazi’s suddenly come back while he’s playing Purdue. According to him, there are Nazis everywhere in the United States, the media is just too busy peeing on his parade to realize who the real criminals are. Granddaddy only really uses it when we go on trips to searching for recruits.
Braden: I only have time for one more question. Spongebob comes on soon. You in the back.
Fox Sports: After all this hype about your grandfather using the term, do you even know what “bull$***” means?
Braden: No but I've already heard it so much that it’s lost all meaning.
Sporting News: One more question, Braden!
Braden: This interview is over!
Bobby Knight had choice words for the media after Texas Tech’s victory that pulled him to just one win shy of 900 career wins. People criticized Bobby for bringing his 18 month old grandson to the post-game press conference and then swearing in front of him on national television. Today Bob’s grandson Braden “The Littlest General” called his own press conference at his preschool to answer questions about the incident.
CNN: You were unusually quiet during the post game press conference. Was there a reason for this?
Braden: Well for one grandpa kept throwing me up in the air and he knows I have air sickness. I didn’t have my juice for the conference, I usually have to have one or two drinks to help me loosen up and deal with the media. I tense up every time I see a press pass. I guess it just runs in the family. Plus they woke me up from my nap, I get cranky at press conferences and just about everything else.
USA Today: Why do you think your grandfather took you to the post-game interview?
Braden: Grand pappy Sociopath, I mean Grandpa Knight is just trying to raise me to be a good coach and to not respect the media. You heard the man, he’s won close to 900 games, but nobody is counting except for you morons. The media cares about statistics, me and grandpa only care about winning and nap time, which we coincidentally we have at the same time. We can never get enough of both!
Lubbock Journal: What characteristics do you and your Grandpa have in common?
Braden: Well we both cry a lot and we both like to throw things, scream and break down in tantrums. I once threw a basketball into my fisher price basketball hoop. A little later grandpa Knight threw that same basketball hoop through a plate glass window out the second story of our house and out into the driveway, just like he did with daddy’s tv. Now I can’t play basketball OR watch Dora the Explorer. But, grandpa says I don’t need a hoop or a monkey with passport to be a good basketball coach. He says if you are good, the European players will come to you.
Dallas Morning News: What types of activities do you and your grandfather do together?
Braden: Obviously as you saw from the press conference, we like to exercise together. We all know granddad likes to throw things. Sometimes we practice evading questions that criticize us, but we still like to judge people harshly. We sometimes read the fairytales in Sports Illustrated or watch that traitor Larry Bird on ESPN Classic. Sometimes we just sit and read the blue chip guides, but mostly we go hunting. Next question, you in the red.
ESPNNEWS: What types of things do you hunt?
People mostly. Grandpa calls them those obnoxious bleeping bleep holes that live next door. Sometimes we go down to the news stations and just sit outside and shoot b.b. guns at anyone who comes out with a microphone. Grandpa says that it’s ok to shoot people who are sports reporters because they are wretched human beings and are only one or two steps above prostitutes, but I don’t even know what that means. We had to stop when grandpa thought he shot a sports reporter, but it just ended up being a guy with a tracheotomy.
ESPN: Has your grandpa ever yelled at you for anything?
Braden: Well one time he did, when I asked him if he was going to win his game that night. He got all red and wrinkly in the face, then freaked out and starting screaming “NOT YOU TOO, WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE EVER GET OFF MY BACK!!!” The he threw a chair through my Curious George poster, but I guess it’s good cause now I don’t have to try and unlock the door to my room at night to go to the bathroom, I can just crawl through the hole. He’s kinda high strung. At least he didn’t choke me.
ESPN: Speaking of which have you ever seen him choke anyone?
Braden: Yeah, a few times. One time he choked a guy in a chicken suit outside of a KFC for not showing proper respect for “The Colonel” or “The General,” then there was a guy in traffic that cut him off in front of Golden Corral, there was the clown at my birthday party who “was a dumb SOB that wasn’t making him laugh enough.” It made me cry, but after the ambulance left we all played hit the piñata, which was shaped like Myles Brand’s head. Oh and one time he took me golfing and he hit a caddy with a nine iron for being insubordinate. As soon as I find out what that means, I will not ever be doing that. New question.
New York Times: We know he really enjoys whips, any idea why?
Braden: Yeah, I think he likes that Indiana Jones guy from the movies because he coached Indiana for so long. That and he’s really passionate about archeology. He says he carries it in case his players don’t listen or the Nazi’s suddenly come back while he’s playing Purdue. According to him, there are Nazis everywhere in the United States, the media is just too busy peeing on his parade to realize who the real criminals are. Granddaddy only really uses it when we go on trips to searching for recruits.
Braden: I only have time for one more question. Spongebob comes on soon. You in the back.
Fox Sports: After all this hype about your grandfather using the term, do you even know what “bull$***” means?
Braden: No but I've already heard it so much that it’s lost all meaning.
Sporting News: One more question, Braden!
Braden: This interview is over!
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